Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
