So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
