oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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