Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
