Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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