I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
wow bdsm is so cute
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize