If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
