awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
