he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
