He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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