Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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