Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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