So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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