I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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