Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
