I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So. Much. Porn.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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