I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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