DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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