I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
