Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
