i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
