someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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