Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize