so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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