I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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