worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
