I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
