I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
