why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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