I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
