I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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