And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
