kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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