you traded sex for a burrito?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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