he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
