I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
