She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
