I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
