wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
