Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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