I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
