Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
