I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize