remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
