he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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