so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
