I've blown a few things in my day
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
