i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
