I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize