All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
