At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
