Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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