My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
