I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize