i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
