That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
