I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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