I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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