I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
