You're my little dorito
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she looked like the before picture.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
