there's paper in my vomit.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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