my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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