This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
