Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
