So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize