I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
