She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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