Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
