Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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