drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
