You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
