Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My day in three words: secret purse cake
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
