I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
