If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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